Posts Tagged ‘German Girls’
German Women are Boring
My relationships have always been weird and, you will be surprised to hear, in all of my life I have never actually dated a German woman.
It seems there are three types or stages of women. There are the teenage wrecks: Young women here oftentimes tattoo or pierce themselves. There’s nothing wrong with a tasteful tattoo, although I wouldn’t ever get one myself, nor with ear rings, but pierced lips, tongues, eyebrows, and noses are instant turn-offs for me. Let’s not even mention nipples or certain other parts of the body; that you usually don’t even know about when you meet them. Wouldn’t want to date one of these girls even if I got paid to do it; when they spit on the streets or talk in slum slang it gets even worse. Young women – say anybody born after 1985 – seem to be severely uncultured. Luckily I can always tell myself they are too young for me anyway (although a girl born in 1985 is now 23 years old and perfectly OK to date for a 31 year old guy). They also usually smoke because they think it makes them look cool and grown up.
The second type is the emancipated bitch. Usually 20-30, they have two states: They’re fiercely single at times, too good to date anybody lower in standing than Prince Charming himself, which is followed by them hooking up with some kind of macho jerk who’ll treat them badly about which they’ll complain to you, wondering loud what the hell went wrong for this to happen. Once they finally figure it out and decide to dump the guy they’ll revert to the first stage of militant singleness. They’ll also usually smoke because they think it keeps them slim.
This is usually followed by the over-forty leather goddess type, women who spent their younger years going to the sun studio every week until they look like Larry Niven’s Protectors – wrinkled, leathery skin and all that. Even if they wise up by this point – fat chance – you really wouldn’t want to touch them anymore anyway. They’re usually smoking because they are addicted and depressed. Never mind that they’re a bit old for me anyway, thank goodness.
And while some Germans are very open-minded and global in their views and attitudes, a lot of Germans will have trouble looking beyond their own plate. I have moved to different cities three times in ten years and travel as far as I can as often as I can. What would I have to talk about with a girl who’s never been further away than Mallorca and wouldn’t consider moving from their home town if you put a gun to their head?
